I Love You Twelve

I’ve spent so much time reflecting on events that happened so I could finish this series up. I really am not sure how long this series is going to be. I was hoping to have it finished by today, but I am pretty sure it won’t be finished by then. So, I guess you can just sit back and enjoy this series. I will finish it, even if it takes me awhile. I know I have been gone for a bit from writing, but I promise that I am not quitting or going anywhere. I love writing here way too much. I’ve just needed some time to compose myself. I’ve been a bit of a wreck this week…but thankfully I have fantastic best friends who are there for me during my meltdowns and overdramatic moments. :)

Anyways, Part Three…

(I would also like to apologize for all of the different forum, IM, and blog site references. I’m not sure if they annoy anyone else, but they annoy me. However, it was a big part of my life during this time, so I guess everyone just has to deal.)

I got online immediately after and started doing research about Muscular Dystrophy. The more I read, the more I realized what a terrible disease it really was. Mattie had Dysautonomic Mitochondrial Myopathy, which was one of the rarest forms of the disease. He had outlived his brothers and sister. Most infants born with this form of the disease don’t live very long at all. The world was truly blessed to have Mattie as long as it did. I think the more I read about him and the disease, the more I realized that if this little boy could live life with joy and happiness while facing such a disease every day, I really had no reason to sit around and be depressed. I had no right to. It really struck a nerve and brought me back to reality.

I wrote about it on my Xanga. Unfortunately, I erased almost all of my Xanga’s (I used to make a lot of them because I would get bored with my username. I just couldn’t find one that I really liked. Not to mention the one that is still around is slightly embarrassing, so I will not be sharing that any time soon. Kind of like with screen names) so I can’t really link you back to those. I also joined one of Billy Gilman’s message boards, BillyHeads. It was a lot different than Jesse’s. It was moderated very strictly. It was a nice change from Jesse’s because his began to get out of hand as he got more popular. I really liked the fan fiction on BillyHeads. I think that was my favorite part about it. There were a lot of talented writers and artists. I also started learning more about The Muscular Dystrophy Association. I could ask questions and get answers. I also started doing a lot of my own research on different types of MD.

I started a mission to find Mattie’s book series in the stores. I wasn’t having much luck in Central Florida and I wasn’t allowed to buy things online yet. We looked everywhere for them. I got really frustrated and gave up. But, I did update my CD collection and bought a new copy of One Voice since the other one was pretty worn out. I finally was able to purchase Dare to Dream as well.

Dare to Dream quickly became my favorite CD . It was just what I needed. There was a song on the CD that was called “God’s Alive and Well”. I’m pretty sure that song was written for me…just for that specific time in my life. I’m also pretty sure that there are a ton of other people who have said that at some point about that song. Seriously though, I would listen to it on repeat all day long. Days at a time.

“And the joy only heaven can bring to a soul. If trouble comes I am safe in the Hands, ’cause I know there’s a plan. My heart understands.”

That was the most powerful thing to me at that time in my life. I would press my headphones against my ears when that part would come on. It ministered to me so much. It helped me during those times where I just wanted to dig a hole and never come out of it.

I signed into Xanga one day and I had a comment on one of my blogs. I don’t remember which one it was. I know it was something about Muscular Dystrophy, but I can’t remember what I said in it. I had a comment from this girl. It said something along the lines of, “Hi, my name is Brianna. Do you have Muscular Dystrophy too?” It kind of threw me off guard. I clicked on her blog and started reading her posts. She had a little website set up and I remember looking at pictures of her on a scale. She had Congenital Muscular Dystrophy. I sent her a message back. I honestly don’t remember what I said other than I didn’t have Muscular Dystrophy - but I was learning a lot about it. We sent a few messages back and forth before swapping AOL Instant Messenger screen names. We didn’t talk a lot at first because for some reason, it made me nervous. Not because she had a disease, but because I hadn’t really swapped screen names with anyone I didn’t know. I had talked to tons of people on Jesse and Billy’s message board, but that was the extent of it. Around the same time, I started talking to Felicia as well. (You can read that entire story by going here.) As time went on, I really made a connection with both Brianna and Felicia. We became close really fast. Both girls served (and still serve) a very important part in my life. Both relationships were completely different, but entirely needed. Both were in God’s intricate plan for my life. Both mean the world to me.

Fast forward a month or so and my parents decided that we would take a vacation to Ohio for the entire month of August and beginning of September. My sister and I counted down. It was a big deal and we couldn’t wait to go back and go to church and see our friends. We drove up in our car and my dad picked up the motor home and stayed at Timashamie. (My memory is kind of fuzzy on that little detail about where the motorhome came from…haha. I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened.) Oreo even got to go with us!

Quick background: We had lived at Timashamie for a little bit when I was about four years old before we moved into our house in Salem – like during the transition time. And we often went back there to swim and go fishing. It was always a treat for Nikki and me. We loved it there. We have a lot of fond memories there.

The trip was so fun. Not a lot of people knew that we were visiting so we got to surprise some people. Church was fantastic. I loved getting hugs and catching up with everyone. My most dreaded question was “Do you like Florida?”. I would always say yes, but I really meant no. I’m not really sure if people caught onto that but I got really sick of that question. I wasn’t really good at being transparent then. Or I was but I didn’t want to admit it. I still get sick of that question, even though now I enjoy Florida a whole lot more than I did then. Anyways, Derek, Duane, and William were frequent visitors at the campground and Nikki and I loved hanging out with them. We got to see Hannah and Julia – who in fact, didn’t forget us.

One of my favorite things about being in our motor home was how I would always get to watch movies at night with my parents and my sister. We would always get new movies for vacation and during vacation. That motor home carried a ton of wonderful memories. Not to mention, my sister and I enjoyed our late night talks on the pull-out couch.

I did, however, take my CD player with me everywhere I went. This was before I had an iPod. I would lug that thing around with my CD case. And more often than not, Dare to Dream or Music Through Heartsongs was in my player. I remember I got really upset with my mom at one point during our vacation and I went up to the swing set at Timashamie and just sat there and listened to “God’s Alive and Well” over and over and over again. I was beginning to really miss Felicia and Brianna. You have to remember, this was before I had my iPhone and before any of us were allowed to talk on the phone anyways. We weren’t to that point yet where our parents thought it would be okay to swap information like that.

We went shopping with Dede (our grandma) in Boardman and I found all of Mattie’s books in one store! I had been saving up money to hopefully see Billy in concert someday, but I decided that it was okay to use some of it for those books since I had wanted them so terribly. I was extremely ecstatic to have them in my hands and I read them throughout the trip.

A couple days before we were supposed to leave and return to Florida, we went to spend the day with some friends. When we left it had started to storm. My mom didn’t think anything of it. My dad had gone away to work for a little bit and he was supposed to be back in a few days. We went back to our motor home and pretty much just laid around and did nothing. It was raining so we weren’t expecting the boys to go fishing with us or anything like that. A man pulled into the spot next to us with his family. That was always exciting because we always hoped they had kids that we could hang out with.

We went to bed early because we had a picnic to go to the next day. We were going to get together with everyone in my mom’s Bible study and their kids. It was really rainy outside that night but none of us thought anything of it. It was Ohio. It rains. A lot.

Around midnight Oreo started going crazy. I woke up a couple times and my sister kept waking up. Oreo was acting really weird and it was getting extremely annoying. He kept jumping up to the drivers seat and then he would jump up and sit on top of it. After that, he would sit on the dashboard, and then he would come and pester us. Nikki woke up and said she had a weird dream and I said I couldn’t sleep because of the storm. We just laid there for a little bit and started to doze.

We awoke to a man pounding on the door frantically. I can’t remember who answered it. I think my mom woke up or one of us went to get her. It was the campground owner. We were in the middle of a flash flood.

I don’t know what went through our minds. It all happened really fast. My mom told us to grab whatever we could – especially the cat.

My first reaction was to grab my purse. So I did.

And then I grabbed my Bible, my CD case and Mattie’s books.

Priorities???

You know how you’re asked what you would take on an island if you could only pick three things? Or what you would grab first during a fire?

Well. Apparently we all know what I would do now. Ha.

We walked out of our motor home into waist-deep water. My sister held Oreo, who surprisingly yielded and allowed her to carry him. All I remember at that moment, as the lightning flashed was that I was going to die. I have never been so scared, yet so calm in my entire life. I was terrified of being struck by lightning, electrocuted, and then drowning. That was not how I intended on dying. At all. And then my mind did the whole life-flashing-before-my-eyes thing.

And clear as day, I heard God say to me, “I’m not finished with you yet. This isn’t over.”

We made it to the clubhouse at the front of the campground soaked and cold, but safe and sound.

And then I realized that I left my CD player on the floor in the motor home.

Part four coming soon.