I Love You Twelve

I started a story a few years ago titled Strings. I’ve mentioned it a few times throughout this blog. My main focus has always been Piip, but for some reason I am bringing Strings out again. I think it’s because the storyline is clearer to me. Something keeps bringing me back to it. I spent some time working on the character list today. It’s nowhere near being finished. I’m very into making strong characters, so it will be awhile before I get past that stage of it. I want to make sure their names match up with who they are. I take my characters really seriously. It’s kind of amusing sometimes.

I had a really vivid dream last night. I’m still a little confused about it. It was a nightmare gone wrong. It creeped me out and it creeped everyone out that I told it to. I didn’t get a chance to share it with my mom today, but I will probably tell her tomorrow. I’ve been having a lot of really vivid dreams lately. They have all been pretty eerie. I’m not sure what to do with them. The one from last night will most likely make it into Strings, though. In the words of Bekah: “It sounds very Strings like.”

My dreams always take place in my old house in Ohio, my grandma’s house, or Columbiana, Ohio. I’m not sure why. I feel like it would make more sense if my dreams took place in the town I grew up in, which was Salem. But they never do. It’s strange, I think.

It’s a different kind of story than anything I have ever worked on. Maybe more story driven. Maybe more intense. Maybe more difficult. It’s a challenge. And I really want to conquer it. I really hope it reaches someone. I think it’s a really special story.

To think it all started when I talked to a boy about the weather…three years ago. Maybe someday I will share that story. Until then, you just have to wonder what the heck I’m talking about. :p

Anyways, I’m really excited for fall. My summer hasn’t been anything like that I expected it to be. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just been different. I might have already mentioned that. But, fall has a lot of exciting things coming up for me. I’m going to an Addison Road show. I’m going to A Night with the Chapmans. And I’m going to California for four days to visit Sergio. It’s also my favorite time of year…fall and winter. Summer, not so much. It’s too hot in Florida for me to really enjoy summer. I’m not much for the heat. Air conditioning is my friend.

God has been talking to me about being myself. Not that I don’t act like myself, moreso that I’m not so selfconscious to be myself. That I’m not so paranoid that people are making fun of me. I won’t ever change what I believe or the things I enjoy because people disapprove of me. I just need to not care so much about what they say behind my back. Sometimes I hear it. Most of the time people seem to think I’m deaf or something. Sometimes insecurities have a way of sneaking in and making you miserable, even when you are doing the right thing. I don’t want to be like that, because that opens a door to fear and I have argued back and forth with fear my entire life. I have some more walls that need to be torn down. They will be conquered. God can’t reach you when you have walls up…and when God can’t reach you, then you can’t reach others.

I said this to one of my friends the other day, and it hit me right back in the face.

“Stop letting it get to you. You’re not trusting God. And as long as you keep letting it get to you, God can’t work on it because it’s a wall. You’re being Jericho. You don’t need those walls.”

God is funny.

He definitely did a double-whammy on that one.

So, once again I’m trusting and surrendering.

My life and my heart is in the safest Hands.

And nothing and no one can ever destroy that.