the overheard and some other stuff.

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The overheard.

Stormy (while watching Toddlers & Tiaras): Why are these girls even on this show?! They’re not even pretty! I’m prettier than them! I COULD BE ON A BEAUTY PAGEANT!

Savannah: EW! EMMET! GROSS! YOU JUST PEED ON MY LEG!

Savannah: When we lived in Maryland, Stormy wasn’t born yet.
Stormy: ‘vannah! Stop it!
Savannah: Stormy, you weren’t born yet!
Stormy: Yes, I was!
Savannah: No, you weren’t.
Stormy: ‘vannah! Stop saying I wasn’t born! I was too borned! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!

Savannah: This pillow smells like someone peed on it.
Stormy: Yeah. I peed on it before.
(FYI, I’m pretty sure she didn’t. This was after the entire argument about being born…haha.)

Savannah: SAMANTHA IS A GOOD BABYSITTER DON’T EVER SAY STUFF LIKE THAT ABOUT HER AGAIN!

And some other stuff.

It’s been an extremely stressful and overwhelming week for me. I’m still trying to shake this feeling that I have been dealing with all month, but a few people have confirmed to me that it’s just for this short season. I’m determined. And even though I want to go crawl over in the corner and just sit there and cry, I know there is going to be a breakthrough. I do apologize, though, because I know I haven’t been very cheery lately. It’ll change. Just give me a bit of time. Not much, but just enough. Thanks for sticking this out with me.

I feel like every night I’m losing more and more sleep. I don’t fall asleep until four or five o’clock. I went through my entire timeline on Facebook one night this week. The first comment ever on my wall? MDA Telethon night…talking to Felicia. And getting impatient for 2am to come around so he would perform. If I remember correctly, this was the year that my cable company decided to RERUN THE TELETHON FROM THE BEGINNING at precisely 2am. So who didn’t get to see Gilly sing? Me. Haha.

{Oh…and for those of you who don’t know, Gilly is Billy Gilman. I’ve called him Gilly for as long as I can remember.}

I still need to finish writing my Learning My Heartsong testimony. I’ll get there. Hopefully this year. It’s always on the back of my mind. Maybe I’ll work on it this upcoming week, because the part of the story I’m at was a defining moment in my life and I think I might need to reflect on that right now. But if you haven’t read parts 1-3 of my testimony, you can click on that link and it will take you directly to the three parts that I have posted.

I’ve been having a lot of good hair days. So I have to make sure these are documented and put in the “Sam’s Good Hair Days” file. Because, I’ve been tempted to chop it all off lately. I don’t really want to,though. It just frustrates me sometimes. The process of growing my hair out is really tedious. It does need trimmed, though. I attempted to do my hair like Lindsey Stirling, but it didn’t work at all. I blame the fact that I couldn’t find a comb, though.  And the fact that my layers need cut. And the fact that I still to this day cannot use a bobby pin properly in my hair. So. I may attempt it again.

Do y’all remember those little butterfly clips that were popular in the 90′s? I totally had my own hairstyle that I created with those. I can’t remember how to do it anymore. That’s kind of what Lindsey’s hairstyle reminds me of. Minus the butterfly clips. And the fact she is in her 20s and not, like, twelve. (And that’s the reason why I feel it is totally appropriate for me to try that out on my hair.)

I finally used FaceTime on my phone tonight and talked to Bekah and Dara for a bit. I braided my bangs. Amanda is here on her final Disney College Program, so I went to Menchies with her and Audra. It was fun and really nice to see them, because like I said earlier, I’m still pretty down. People aren’t exactly helping all that much and there have been a few points this week where I just…cried. So the people who always stick around…their company is completely and totally cherished. It is when I’m happy, as well. I am just thankful for my friends who extend their hands and hearts and love on me. I learn more and more as time goes on who is who. Sometimes that revelation is painful, but always for the better. I’m glad for the ones that may argue with me, but don’t budge. And for the ones who are genuine.

I seriously believe that music releases on weeks like this, because God knows I’m going to need it that specific week. I don’t think it’s coincidence at all. I’ve been completely bombarded with new music this week. I received three upcoming albums.. I’m pumped, because I’m going to start reviewing a lot more. I took a pretty long (kind of unannounced) break from it, but Courtney Hyder and everyone at The M Collective have been extremely patient and I appreciate them so much for that.

Christina Garvin posted Britt Nicole’s new lyric video for her new single yesterday. I connected with it immediately. It reminded me of my preteen nights where I would lay in bed and cry and just pray because I was such a misfit. I’ve been feeling a lot like that lately as well. And, you know, for the most part I’m okay with being a misfit. I think it’s just hard when it connects with people showing their true colors. It’s kind of a slap in the face. Kind of like “Hey Sam, you try your hardest to live your life accordingly and be responsible for everything you do, so you are a freak and we don’t want you around.” But, I shook those feelings off a long time ago and I will continue to fight with them until they go away. Sometimes it’s just a battle. Sometimes, I think though, you have to go through battles like that with yourself. Kind of like a wake-up call. Kind of like a reminder to where you have been and how you pulled through it. I was definitely blessed by Britt’s new song. It reminded me of all of that.

Also, seriously. Awesome music week. I have Todd Agnew and Jeremy Horn’s new albums setting on my desk. I haven’t had a chance to look over the info for release dates, but I’ll post about it soon. And in addition to that…

+ Tyler Ward has a new music video for his cover of “Set Fire to the Rain”.
+ Shaun Reynolds has a new music video for his original song, “The Way We Are”.
+ Katy McAllister has a new music video for her original song, “Wanna Believe”.
+ Megan and Liz have a new music video for their original song, “Old School Love”.
+ The Boy & The Bride have a new music video for their cover of “Grow Old With You”. (watch it all the way through because Ashley’s rant at the end of the video is hilarious!)
+ And I discovered this song.

I’ve also been listening to “Rediscover You” by Starfield a lot. It’s still one of my favorite songs. I don’t think I ever listen to it just once. It’s like I can’t. It’s old. But it’s so powerful to me. I end up listening to it at least five times. Every single time.

Also, I meant to mention this a month or so ago. But there was a day in December where I was having a rough time and I randomly searched on the Bible app on my phone and Psalm 119 came up. The longest chapter…ever. But, I noticed something kind of cool. If you read Psalms slowly and just really take in every verse…and pause after every verse…it looks like tweets. You can read it as if he were updating his Twitter account and it totally works. Haha. It’s really awesome. I can’t not do it now. And I feel like I’ve learned a lot because of that. I think King David, if he were alive today, would be completely into the social networking stuff. Especially Twitter. It’s so relevant. He’d have probably the most Twitter followers ever. Just a random thought. :)

I’m on Season 6 of How I Met Your Mother. I’m kind of depressed about this because I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do once I finish. I mean, I have to find Season 7 online somewhere. And I’m really anxious to find out the end of the story. But at the same time, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Craziness. I’ve learned so much from this goofy show though. It’s ridiculous! Yesterday I wrote a letter to Future-Sam. Hah. (Don’t judge me for going directly from talking about King David to How I Met Your Mother. I don’t really even know how that happened in my train of thought. But it did.)

I’m signing off for now, though. If there are typos in this, I apologize. It’s 2:30 in the morning. I’ll fix them later. Until then, feel free to laugh at any and all misspellings and grammatical errors. coughyouknowwhoyouarecough. :)

Goodnight.

P.S. Oh! I almost forgot!

I love this nail polish. This color, too. (Revlon Colorstay 105 Cayenne). I’m working at Disney next week. I’m trying to decide what to do about my nails. Because it makes me so happy…HA! And I don’t want to repaint my nails a different color. Silly Disney Look Guidelines. I probably will, though. I’m going to have to say farewell to my awesome red-orange nail polish for a few days.

P.P.S. Sorry for the massive scatterbrained entry. Also, as always, photos found on Tumblr and We Heart It.

Sparrow.

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Audrey Assad’s new album, Heart, will be released on Valentine’s Day. I absolutely adore Audrey. She was the first artist I ever wrote a review for and her voice is pure and beautiful. I love her style of worship because it’s pretty and unique. I’ve had the opportunity to worship with her during a concert and God uses her in a very real and specific way. She pretty much blew everyone away at the Dove Awards last year when she sang “Via Dolorosa” during Sandi Patty’s tribute. (I remember Courtney telling me before the show started that Audrey gave her chills when she was doing sound check for the song. Definitely felt those chills when it was my turn to hear her sing it.)

I’ve already listened to this album and I loved it. I actually listened to it with my baby nephew and he was totally psyched about it, as well. It’s a gorgeous collection of songs. More about it later. :)

The lyric video to “Sparrow” was released this past week. I wanted to share it with you. I really love this hymn and I smile every time I listen to it. It calms the turbulence going on in my spirit right now.

Definitely on repeat for this girl right here.

“Life is a song. Love is music.”

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First, thank you to everyone for their comments and feedback on my last entry. It meant a lot to me. Sometimes it’s difficult to share what’s on my heart and that in itself is a big step for me. Reading back over what I wrote, God brought some things to my attention and I learned a lot.

A huge thank you to Keith for also sharing his heart on the matter and for also dedicating an entry to me. Kind of a big deal and totally awesome. It’s so nice to have blogging friends…who actually turn into friends. Big shout out to Kate, who has become one of my friends as well. I want you both to know that I really, really appreciate you, your feedback, and your friendship. I’m so pumped that I am getting to know you both more as time goes on.

Next, I have some photos from the past two-ish weeks.These were all taken on my iphone…simply because I have been too lazy to drag my Nikon everywhere I go lately.

I watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes with Stormy, Savannah, and Jen. Jen and I tried to talk the girls out of it because we didn’t really want to watch it. Anything with any kind of psycho animal in it is no bueno for me. But, it was Stormy’s turn to pick and she just wanted “to watch that monkey movie”. She was really into it, too.

I made it through maybe the first thirty minutes of it. I get scared of weird things. Weird things freak me out. I know I’m a wuss and I’m fine with that. I like suspense. I don’t like knives. And I have this weird thing about people losing their fingers.

If a character loses their finger…I’m done.

A character lost a finger.

I mentally freaked out.

Cannot deal.

It was pretty funny how much I freaked out. And after that I couldn’t even look at the TV so I just laid on the couch and played around on my phone.

There was a part where Stormy jumped so high, her butt was off the couch. To which she giggled and said, “Oh. That scared me!”

I asked her later if the movie freaked her out. Her response was, “No. Them people were really mean to the monkeys so they deserved to die.”

Florida has been pretty chilly the past couple of weeks. I love it. I love being able to wear sweaters and jeans. I love being able to straighten my hair and it not frizz up. I love being able to wear my hair wavy, also, and it not look too disastrous. I love being able to wear the scarf Andrew bought me. I love being able to wear eyeliner and it not smudge all over my eyelids. I love my makeup not melting off my face. I love wearing my hoodies and my jackets with the oversized hoods. It’s just been really nice.

Minus the one night where I could not warm up no matter what I did…which resulted in me sleeping in my jacket with like, three blankets, for most of the night. Jacket hoods are not meant to be pillows. I also didn’t like getting all stuffed up with a cold, but it went away pretty fast.

This is my red hat. It’s my favorite hat. It’s probably the only hat I own…even though I really like hats. I got it back in 2009 on a trip to Ohio. It’s fuzzy and I just really like wearing it. I only get to wear it once or twice a year, but I get really excited when I do. It’s been in the mid-70s as of late so I still am wearing my sweaters, because it gets cold at night.

I had lunch with Alysse a week ago Saturday and we went to see Beauty and the Beast. I’m not going to lie, the only reason I spent $13 to go see it, was because I really wanted to see Tangled Ever After. Totally worth it though. And to be fair, I didn’t remember most of Beauty and the Beast. So I did actually enjoy it. Still not my favorite, but I enjoyed it.

I am really thankful for internet and texting because I’m still pretty much in denial that Alysse is leaving. I think I say that in almost every entry I write so this probably feels like a rerun, but it’s just that, she’s one of my best friends. And we have been through a lot together this past year. Our friendship is strong though so I’m not worried about it falling out or anything like that. I’m just really going to miss someone that I can text and be like, “What are you doing? Let’s go get lunch.” Or, “I’m having a really crappy day. Let’s go meet up.” and vise versa…because no one does that. And literally, when this happens, we spend four or five hours just sitting and talking. I think waiters and waitresses hate us. But Alysse is moving on to incredible things and she has my full support in what she wants to do. She’s so talented and I know she is going to make a big impression on this world– whether or not she is in Florida. She has such a great heart and I am so proud of her!

I had a Miley Cyrus Syndrome moment and dyed my hair. It was looking kind of gross…and orange. I dyed it light amber brown. It came out kind of dark. It was funny, because as my mom was doing my hair, we definitely thought the second bottle of dye was a completely different color. Kind of freaked out about that…but it turns out, it was just different packaging. I really like it this color. It’s lightened up a lot now, though.

I went to Thai Blossom with Bekah which was fun. Winter Garden has a new frozen yogurt place called Jojo. I highly recommend it. Kind of my new favorite place. I took Savannah and Stormy there one day after school and they really liked it as well.

Saturday, Bekah and I went to Ginza. It was my first time eating at a Hibachi restaurant. It was so fun! The guy who cooked our food was hilarious and the family that sat beside us was really sweet.

I really like that my phone has a camera on the front of it. I keep taking photos of myself. I mean, I guess I do that anyways. But now it’s more often. I’ll be all, “Oh my gosh! I look cute today!” *snap*. And then afterwards, I sit there and I’m like…what the heck? Sam, you’re a weirdo.  Weirdo.

But, it really comes in handy when I don’t have anyone to take a photo of me with my friends. Because my friends are so opposed to ghetto tripods, as we call them…and asking people to take our photo. Plus, it’d be kind of weird to ask someone at a gas station to take a photo for you…I mean…who does that?

God is teaching me a whole lot about walking by faith this year and how essential it is. And that’s alright. I’m already seeing how some things are tying into “bold” being my word this year. I just have this feeling that even though January has been kind of rough, it’s almost over. Season transitioning time. It’s weird, but things are going to be alright. I have some things to overcome and I’m working on it. But when it comes down to it, I’m really blessed with a wonderful job and wonderful people…and wonderful opportunities including the rough ones.

I’m just going to keep looking up.

*photos found on tumblr.

transparency.

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I’m not exactly sure how to start this entry. As I’m typing this, I don’t even have a title picked out. I have no clever saying or tagline or even lyrics for that matter. But I need to write this out…for myself. And I really don’t care if anyone gets anything out of it. For all I know, it might sound like a bunch of mumble jumble. I guess I’m going to just try and do what the photo above says. And there quite possibly may be a part of me that has forgotten that the majority of the most important people in my life are going through this as well. But everyone handles it differently. Everyone handles it much better than I do.  I will be the first to admit to you, that I am currently not dealing well with this at all. I wish I could be all “WOOO!! I’m SINGLE!!!!!!” But it’s just not happening for me right now, ha. I guess that’s why I’ve kind of been awol on here. I’ve just been trying to evaluate situations and figure out what the heck I want in my life. Because I kind of have this giant blank book in front of me for this year and it’s kind of intimidating.

I’m not sure if I have mentioned this, but I started watching How I Met Your Mother. I’ve been watching it on Netflix for a little over a month now. I remember when it first aired on TV and I watched the first two episodes, but I’m pretty bad at watching TV routinely. I can really only keep up with one or two shows at a time or I lose my mind. But I have been feeling extremely down lately and since it has to do with the fact that I am still single, this crazy idea came into my mind that I should start watching this show. Ironically, Alysse randomly decided to start watching this show as well and it has been kind of neat to see the reasons why both of us were drawn to it.

It makes me feel so much better when I have a crappy day or when I’m feeling upset. I stay up most nights to watch it because it just makes my heart feel happy and I feel like I learn a lot. It makes me laugh super hard and I think that’s important, also.

If you have never watched this show, the basic idea is that Ted Mosby wants to get married and have a family. He wants to fall madly in love. He believes in finding that one person. (I know a lot of people will argue that there is just not one person out there that would work, and to that I say: you are correct. There are many people out there that could possibly have potential and may work out. But I am a strong believer that there is one person that God created for you. And only one. You can settle, sure. But why would you want to do that?) Anyways, Ted’s entire thing is that it has to have a story. And everything that happens up to the day he met his wife, had to happen.

And while I don’t agree with a lot of the lifestyles that Ted and his friends live as far as their love life is concerned, I can say that I relate to Ted probably more than any other character. I want to fall madly in love. I want to have a family. I have big dreams and I really want to go somewhere in my life. I want a story. But also like Ted, I’m getting tired of waiting. I’m getting tired of getting heartbroken and watching everyone else get married– including the people who were pretty much racing me to get married. There’s an episode where Ted almost gets married…he almost settles…and Robin calls him out on it. As heartbroken as he was because it ended up not happening, the entire point of the show is for him to tell his story as to why he had to go through the things he did to get where he needed to be. That almost-marriage had to happen and it had to crumble right before.

On New Year’s night, I sat with Alysse at the Polynesian after I had dinner with Felicia. I just needed to talk to her. I’ve been so frustrated with guys that don’t get the clues I’m giving. I’ve been so frustrated with no one ever stepping up. I’ve been so frustrated with people telling me how to go about finding someone or, in my case, admitting feelings. It, honestly, pisses me off. Because I have my standards for a reason. And I shouldn’t have to lower them to get anyone to pay attention to me. As much as it sucks and as much as it feels like there is a knife stabbing me in the heart on a normal basis, I respect myself enough to know that I am not going to be happy if I settle. I just really feel like whoever it is I’m going to end up with, will be able to make a move first. You can criticize me all you want, but I’m stubborn. I’m not going to be happy without a story, because I know that God has been writing it so precisely my entire life.

Alysse told me to look out for the episode “As Fast As She Can”. I finally made it to the end of season four and I had anticipated it the entire time. Most of the episode I was confused and I wasn’t quite understanding why Alysse thought of me when she watched the episode. But then it happened. It completely overwhelmed me and I cried. A lot.

There’s a scene towards the end of the episode where Ted is sitting in the car with his ex-fiance, Stella. I’m not going to tell you what happened to them, because I think you should watch the show. Ted tells her how he just wants to be where everyone else is in their lives. He just wants to meet his wife.

Ted: I keep waiting for it to happen and I guess I’m just so…I’m tired of waiting. And that is all I’m going to say on that subject.

Stella: You know I once talked myself out of a speeding ticket? I was heading upstate to my parents’ house doing, like, 90 on this country road and I got pulled over. So this cop gets out of his car, he kinda swaggers on over and he’s like, “Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day.” So I looked up at him and I said, “I’m so sorry, Officer, I got here as fast as I could.”

Ted: For real?

Stella: No, it’s an old joke. I know that you’re tired of waiting. And you may have to wait a little while more, but, she’s on her way, Ted. And she’s getting here as fast as she can.

It hit me so hard and it was so perfect. I pressed the rewind button twice and cried. I even cried as I typed that up. It was something I really needed to hear right now and probably if anyone had said that to me in real life I would have been irritated. The fact that it was on a show…on the episode that I happened to be on tonight…which was a night that I’ve been having a really difficult time with…well, see now how I’m like Ted? I believe in timing. I also believe in God’s perfect timing, which gives me one-up on Ted’s character. That is, when I’m not freaking out about things not going according to plan. You see, another way that I am like Ted is that I have always had this plan mapped out for myself. Such and such would happen at this age. And something else would happen at a different age. It goes on and on. As you can probably guess, nothing has gone at all like I had imagined it. It’s really frustrating, also, when the one thing you have wanted since you were a little girl is being given to about a million of your Facebook friends and every other status is about how awesome their boyfriends and husbands and children and stuff are. The world makes it really hard on someone who has dreamed of that their entire life and hasn’t gotten it yet. Really hard.

And then there is Robin. For the most part, I’m not like her. She’s very career-based and doesn’t want a family. She is, however awkward. Also, she is awful at admitting her feelings about things. I’m so-so. It depends on the situation and how comfortable I am.

Robin: I don’t know. I’m not exactly the biggest confronter of feelings. I mean, clearly there is something between us.

(that’s from the following episode, which I also watched tonight)

Another difference between Robin and I, is that I would never say that third sentence. I may think it and I may try and get you to understand that I have feelings for you. The thing is, I’m crazy. And I have this crazy idea that the guy I will end up with will be able to let me know that, hey, he’s interested and that he won’t make me constantly guess what he’s thinking–whether knowingly or not. Or maybe he would pay attention and realize that I’m dropping hints like crazy because I might really, really, really, really, really like him. You don’t have to remind me how it’s 2012 and it’s totally okay for girls to ask guys out. I know this. But just because it’s okay for the majority of the girls, does not mean it’s okay for me. If you know anything about me, you know I have very strong convictions about certain things. Asking guys out is one of them. I guess I would like a little respect, though, because I’m tired of people mocking me or trying to make me feel worse and manipulate me. 

“You should just tell him because he’s never going to know that you like him if you don’t.” and “I told you to tell him. You’re just doing this to yourself. You’re not listening.”

I’m pretty sure y’all aren’t listening to me when I say, I am not going to do that and no matter what you say to me won’t change my mind.  (If this were via text messaging, this is where I would say RAGEEE!) And, I mean, if God tells you to wait for something, aren’t you going to wait? No matter how impatient you feel or how many meltdowns you have in between? Because you know at the end of all this, it will be worth it?

So I guess that’s what has been on my mind lately. That and I feel like my word for this year is “bold”. It’s totally not in contradiction to me not being the one to fess up first. I think that this year is about me coming out of my shell. Because my last job kind of forced me to hide back in my shell. It was really hard for me to open up to people and be outgoing when I started working at Disney and I think that with certain things that have happened, I kind of lost my way a little bit. I feel like everything I overcame with my shyness when I worked at Disney was kind of snatched away last year. I’m working on it though. I’m ready to start living my life. I’m ready to go new places and learn new things. Like I said at the beginning of this entry, there’s this big blank book in front of me. I guess I’m almost starting over with a lot of things. I guess that’s why even though January hasn’t been anything like I expected it to be, I know the year will be better than any year so far.

I feel like I’m leaving this without a conclusion, but there really isn’t one to give you right now. But this is where I am at. This is where my heart is aching. And I would really appreciate it if maybe you would pray for me this year.

And I’m working on hanging onto the hope that there is someone for me out there. And maybe I know who that is…maybe I don’t.

Some days, I really just want to give up.

But he’s getting here as fast as he can.

P.S. Neil Patrick Harris is awesomeeee.

P.P.S.  None of those “if you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married” lectures, please. Because I am aware of that and that’s not at all what I am trying to get across.

*images from imdb and tumblr

Have you ever

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tried to get a point across while texting or typing and right in the middle of it you have the most ridiculous typo ever and it kind of defeats everything? Or even in a normal conversation this happens?

Welcome to my life.

You read my blog. You see my typos. But sometimes I have…moments…where I just don’t even know what happens to my brain or why I say or type things the way I do.

This would be my favorite one recently. I’m not copying the entire conversation. You just get a snippet. It’s enough. Trust me.

{via}

Me: Because I’m not really extracted to redheads at all.
Andrew: Fail. I think you mean ATTRACTED.

And then I pretty much died laughing. I literally had to walk away from my computer. I couldn’t breathe. It was ridiculous. I still don’t even know where or why that word came into my mind and went through my fingers and onto my keyboard. I really need to learn how to edit as I type. Seriously.

Andrew: I read that word exactly how you spelled it. I didn’t see the word ATTRACT at all.

Pretty much screencapped and saved on my phone forever.

I still don’t know why I said “extracted”. It wasn’t like I was looking at something with that word on it or in it. I don’t ever use that word.

“I then looked at myself in the mirror…”

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“I was proud of MYSELF. Of my entire life. Everything I have done.” -Ben Breedlove.

I was flipping through one of Shannon’s magazines today and I came across the story of Ben Breedlove. It touched me so much. I actually sat on the couch with Stormy and pulled the videos up on my phone and I was trying so hard not to cry. Watch the videos and then I have more to say…

This Is My Story – Ben Breedlove part 1

This Is My Story – Ben Breedlove part 2

Ben Breedlove passed away Christmas 2011– only a couple weeks after he made these videos. I really wish I had seen them when they first went viral on YouTube, but I think the reason I didn’t is because I needed to see them now. I needed to read his words right now. And I think that the most powerful thing to me was that he was able to share what it was like to look in that mirror. I know that I, for one, get nervous that I am not doing enough sometimes. I worry about not being happy or not doing things that will make me proud once I am gone or people being proud of me. And I think that reading the words he wrote somehow gave me this massive amount of peace. It’s hard to explain, but it meant so much to me. His message is so precious and pure and I am grateful that he was able to share his story with the world before he left. I really don’t know what else to say other than it really got to me. I just really wanted to share it with everyone who reads my blog. I hope it touches your life as well.

I have returned

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I wish I could explain why I have been missing the past few days. Five days. (It’s actually been since the 31st of December but, whatever.) I also wish that I could say that I didn’t miss blogging. But that would be a huge lie. I almost gave in the other day to just post a video or something. Anything. But for some reason I just couldn’t do it. “I need a few more days,” I told myself. And I suppose that I did…but I sure did miss typing on here…even though the wordpress typing box is currently only allowing me to type in 1/3 of the typing box and it is annoying me.

I haven’t really written a legit entry since I wrote about Stormy. So we have a lot of catching up to do, I suppose. Prepare yourself for this to be a massive entry.

The first two days of 2012 I spent at Disney. Jessica was in town so Andrew, Rachel, and I played in the parks with her. Rachel is actually here for a couple months to get her seasonal hours in at Disney.

I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better day one and day two of this year. It was full of laughs and tickles and hugs. Happiness.

Especially because the days after day one and day two have been extremely weird and I’ve been in this stupid funk.

I have literally had four meltdowns within a seven day time period. And this guy has put up with it and you all should give him major props for that because I’m pretty stubborn and terrible when I’m having a meltdown. He has honestly been there to listen to me and be all, “Seriously, what the heck is wrong with you?!” and get me to calm down. Because he is awesome. :) He’s really good at getting my perspective back in line.

(Also, if you spin in the teacups really fast and try to take photos…it’s one of the funniest things ever.)

I’m probably going to pick up some shifts in Fantasyland really soon. Hopefully by the end of this month.

I didn’t really make resolutions this year. I don’t think I ever really do. I have my bucket list and I’m just fine working towards that and crossing off things and adding on to it. Katie and I still have our blog project, but the year didn’t really start off like either of us planned so it’s on a short hold for now. By short, I mean, it’ll hopefully start up by the end of this month. I do plan on joining a gym though, but really only for the elliptical. When I was a teenager and I got stressed out I would run (I guess?) on the elliptical for an hour or so and it would help and I miss that.

Felicia was here, also. I had dinner with her, her boyfriend, and some of their friends one night. I also spent, like, five hours talking to Alysse and I’m probably in denial that she is moving back to Michigan really soon.

I really love my new job. I seriously love the entire family. They’re so fun and full of life. I don’t really feel like it’s work, because I just love being around them. I enjoy driving the kids places and I love talking to Shannon. I really feel like God specifically placed me in their family and I am really excited to be in their lives and have them as a part of mine. And I have stories, but I’m saving them for a little later.

Last Saturday Bekah and I visited Lindsey at Disney. It was great seeing her. I miss her a lot and definitely don’t get to spend enough time with her anymore. I look forward to our discussions on Sundays about Once Upon a Time. Because she, along with Janice and Chad, has theories about the show and the storyline. Lindsey and Janice (and I’d say Chad but if he reads this he will deny it…) and I constantly spazz out about it. It’s so fun.

And speaking of Bekah– she deserves an award for constantly listening to me freak out via text messaging all day long. If you think I am exaggerating, ask her, because I’m definitely not exaggerating. I love her beyond words.

I’ve been spending a lot of time watching How I Met Your Mother. I am not really sure what it is about it, but it always cheers me up. It’s kind of funny because Alysse and I started watching it at the exact same time without knowing it– and both of us have had the exact same reaction about it. I think it just gives us some source of hope for the future and the unknown, because we both struggle with time control.

And that, dear friends, is how you take a proper ride photo at Disney World.

I hope the new year has been treating everyone well so far! I still haven’t given up. I am still determined that 2012 is my year. I’m letting all the bad stuff detox and then I’m going from there. I think I’ve just been overwhelmed because a lot has changed the past few weeks for me. But my hope is never-ending, even in the midst of meltdowns.

big bird cage.

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These bags are at the Japan pavilion in Epcot. I was highly entertained by them. Jessica took a video of me reading two. I have a couple more of her reading other ones and I will upload and post them later. Until then…

Bag #1.
Happy Island has many small people.
They are spending much time talking to their animal friends on the island.

Bag #2.
Big Bird Cage.
How many birds are there in the cage?
Perhaps my bird who flew away last week is in there too.

Stormy and the necklace.

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I didn’t work much this past week. Shannon has been sick and the kids have been with their friends. But so far, I really love my new job. I’m still learning the ropes and the kids are still adjusting to me. School starts back up on Monday and I will be learning the school routine. I started full time on their first day of Christmas break.

I am a nanny for four kids. Trenton, Savannah, Stormy, and Emmet (we call him Emmy most of the time). I love them. They’re so fun. I’m really enjoying getting to know them. I am pretty sure I will always have stories to tell, because they say and do some pretty crazy things. (Savannah already put a worm up to my face…and I hate worms…I didn’t let her know that, though. Ha!) At some point I will have an entry about each of them. My favorite from this week, though, is about Stormy.

Stormy is five. She is a super girly girl. She loves wearing Shannon’s mascara and just makeup in general. She always wants to wear her heels and she loves brushing my hair and putting it up in pony tails. She’s really shy with new people, but she warmed up to me really fast. She told me it is because I am not scary like other people. The first day I worked she cuddled with me while watching a movie. She’s so sweet. She also loves to sing and make up her own lyrics.

Anyways, last night Shannon and her husband went to dinner. Savannah was playing around on the computer and Emmy was just kind of going back and forth from Savannah to me. I was trying to put a movie on for Stormy, but we couldn’t really find anything we wanted to watch. We ended up picking The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. After awhile, Savannah and Emmy started watching it with us.

So we were on the couch and Stormy was all cuddled up to me. She can’t stay quiet in movies. She tries really hard, but she asks about a million questions. She suddenly got quiet and she said, “I need to go to the bathroom.” She got up and walked to the bathroom. A couple minutes later she opened the door and goes, “Babysitter, I need your help…”

She knows my name, I swear. She calls me Babysitter sometimes randomly. This was one of those times, haha.

I got up and she walked over to me and suddenly burst into tears.

“I can’t get it out! I didn’t mean to! I don’t know what I did, but it’s stuck!” She opened her mouth. I saw what I thought was a rubber band.

It wasn’t.

She got the clasp of her necklace stuck between her two bottom front teeth. It took a second for me to realize what was going on. I asked her what happened and she started crying again.

“I don’t know it just somehow got in my mouth!”

I don’t freak out in situations like this. I’m so laid back it’s ridiculous. I normally freak out about dumb stuff, but when it comes to emergencies you would never know there was an emergency going on (unless I’m angry about an emergency but that’s usually not hospital related kinds of emergencies). I picked her up and told her we would get it out and told Savannah to call their dad.

“But how are you going to get it out? Is it going to hurt? How are you going to get it out!? Is it going to bleed?!“

To which Savannah responded with, “Probably.”

Hysteria.

She had me set her down and she walked over to the bathroom to look in the mirror again. Necklace dangling from her mouth and everything.

“Am I going to look like this forever?!?!”

I picked her up and kind of chuckled (I suck at life, I’m sorry…but it was so cute and funny to me because as a child I probably would have asked the exact same thing) and wiped her tears away (I just redeemed myself there, ‘kay? Thank you very much.) and just started talking to her. She talked to her dad on the phone for a little bit and calmed down. Once she got off the phone, Savannah and I looked in her mouth again.

It turns out that it was just clasped in the little space between her teeth. The back of the clasp was in there kind of tight but I managed to get it out.

The second I got the necklace clasp out of her teeth, she wiped her eyes and said…

“Oh. Okay. I’m okay. Usually when this kind of stuff happens…I gotta go to the hospital!“

P.S. Good news: I have my computer back. Bad news: It couldn’t be fixed. I’m kind of just walking out eggshells about it and hoping that it lasts until I can save up for a laptop or something.

P.P.S. Happy almost 2012! I spent the day with my family. Tomorrow I am going to the parks with some friends. Hope everyone is safe and happy! Thanks again for following this year of my life! I’m really looking forward to the next one!